Identity, Language, and Culture

I grew up with the term “hearing impaired” to describe myself. I knew my hearing loss meant I was disabled, but I never full accepted myself as a disabled person. Rather I felt I was different from the norm. I remember being a child and looking at the handicapped parking spaces and pondering that while I was technically handicapped I certainly didn’t fit the description for the parking space. Even at a young age I rejected the handicapped mentality for myself.

I didn’t know many other people with a hearing loss. My mother tells me that I refused to meet a family friend’s daughter that had a hearing loss like me. I don’t remember this occurrence. I do remember that my 2nd grade recess aide wore two hearing aids. She was the dreaded mean aide so there was not a feeling of connection to her.

While I was in high school my views towards my hearing loss were less than pleasant. It was difficult for me to socialize in large, noisy groups; so I often sat and waiting for a close friend to talk with me one-on-one. I felt like a bit of an outcast, someone that boys would not want to date and a burden on my friends.

I ended up going to college after my sophomore year of high school. It was a small school with a lot of opportunity for one-on-one time with the teachers. It was a really good match for my hearing. More than that they allowed me to take American Sign Language as my foreign language requirement. I had struggled with Spanish in high school and was looking forward to something that wouldn’t be as hard to hear.

Over the summer I took my first sign language class. My mother joined me so that I would have someone to practice with. I still remember the first day of class: we were sitting in an off-white classroom, about 12 of us sitting in a half circle around the chalk board. Our teacher walked in with white hair and little white mustache. He had a very sweet smile. With the assistance of an interpreter he spoke with us that first day. It was my first time watching and paying attention to sign language. The motion of the hands and the facial expressions spoke to me somewhere deep inside. I couldn’t understand the language quite yet but I could feel it. I knew that this was more than just a foreign language requirement for me.

Over the next three years I continued to learn ASL and about Deaf Culture. I was fascinated by both and felt very much a part of it. My junior year I remember going to a party with a bunch of students from my sign language class. One girl there had a hearing loss like I did. We spent the entire party sitting in a corner, talking about hearing loss. It was the first time I was able to talk with someone that knew what I experienced with a hearing loss. I didn’t have to explain anything to her, she just “got it” and could relate to me the way I could relate to her. It was a very powerful experience.

I graduated with a degree in Deaf Studies and started working with deaf and hard of hearing individuals. Along the way I learned that people in the Deaf Community preferred the term “Hard of Hearing” to hearing impaired. The minute I learned this I changed my own language to match. I had never seen myself as impaired. Therefore the Hard of Hearing term matched me perfectly.

My hearing loss has become part of who I am as well as part of my social and professional life. It is not an ailment. I am not the same girl I was at 16 who wanted to have perfect hearing. Besides hearing aids I will not do any surgery on my ears. I may not hear perfectly but my ears are perfect the way they are. I am part of the Deaf Community and have friends with all different kinds of hearing loss to no hearing loss at all. I communicate with my voice and my hands, I listen with my eyes and my ears. Rather than having a “disability” I have a hearing loss then enriches me and my life.

Do not feel sorry for my hearing loss. Without it I would not be in my current job or have my current friends. I probably wouldn’t even have my deaf cat. A disability is not what it prevents a person from doing, it’s what the person can do to use that disability to their advantage. It has taken time but I am happy with my hearing loss, happy with being bilingual, happy to be a part of both the hearing cultures and Deaf Cultures.