Disability

A debate on a chat board I post on got me thinking about the phrase disability and what it means to me. From a medical model I do have a disability: my ears do not work as they should. From a personal viewpoint I am not disabled.

A disability is something that hinders a person's life. My hearing loss enriches my life. It is as much a part of me as my brown curly hair, my Russian heritage, or my long second toe. Some may say that my hearing loss is a disability because it affects my ability to communicate. That is a struggle I have. But it is only a struggle to those that make it a struggle. One on one, I am usually fine. It is noisy or crowded places where I run into trouble. However this is also how I know the people that truly care for me and respect me. They are the people that make these kinds of situations work for communication. The problems are only for spoken communication, however. Any environment with light works for ASL.

Even as a child I didn't accept myself as impaired. I won't do so as an adult. If my ears were perfect I wouldn't be writing this blog, I wouldn't have my current occupation, I would not have met my bridal party members, I would not have a deaf cat. I have no idea who I'd be
today with "perfect" ears, all I know is I would not be me.

So I'm perfect the way I am. The only thing wrong with me, in my mind, is a kidney functioning at 30% and a bulging disc in my neck. The rest is as it should be.

Q-tips: I caved

Last night I used a Q-tip. I had just taken off my hearing aids and washed my face and my right ear felt like there was water in it. I tried to ignore it but I couldn't. So I very carefully and cautiously used a Q-tip with the sole intention of getting the liquid out and not hurting my ear. Amazingly I was very successful. I think this has only helped fuel my desire and ability to quit.

It's been 9 days and my ears are already changing. The Q-tip did not look or feel like it normally does (I'll spare you the gross details). I can already see that my ears are healing themselves. I am more determined than ever to kick this bad habit.

However I am also sitting here with very itchy ears that desperately want to be cleaned out. It seems I've done two steps forward, one step backward. I'm not counting this as a failed resolution, just a learning curve.

The itchiness calls to me. I am so tempted to shake my hearing aids around in my ears. I am resisting. My hearing aids will be taken off tonight the minute I arrive home!

Q-tip Resolution - Day 5

While I have been good with not using Q-tips I have created a substitute: my fingers. This is partly a habit I created a long time ago but is intensified with my lack of Q-tip swabbing. For the health and safety of my ears I need to stop putting anything in my ears except for hearing aids. I'll take this one in baby steps.

I am finding it easy to not grab a Q-tip by making it my resolution. This definite goal and having an audience is helping me adhere to it this time around. My goal is to make it to the end of January. A habit is formed after 3 weeks. Therefore if I manage to survive a month without using Q-tips I will have created a new habit for myself. Furthermore the less I use Q-tips (and subsequently finger scratching) the healthier my ears will become. My theory is that in a months time my desire for Q-tips will have lessened since my ears will feel better when I take my hearing aids off. Only 26 more days until the answer is found.

Baby steps.