The Accident

A year after my surgery I had just started the third grade. This particular day would change the hearing in my right ear forever.

I was running around with friends at recess. For some reason I stopped short and turned my head. Another girl was right behind me and as I turned her nose pushed into my ear. Her nose ended up pushing my hearing aid into my ear and caused it to bleed. My best friend grabbed the recess aide and brought me to the nurses office. The nurse worked on my ear and called my mom to let her know I had an accident but would be ok. My mom called my primary doctor to get my ear checked, just in case.

A little while later the nurse told me my ear had stopped bleeding and sent me back to class. As I was walking down the hall I noticed little red droplets landing by my side: my ear was bleeding again. Since I was a little goody-two-shoes I tilted my head to keep the blood in, went back to class, and asked for permission to go back to the nurses office. Once there my mother was called again and came to school to pick me up.

When she arrived she looked in my ear and saw skin sticking out of my canal. The injury was bad enough to scrap the skin. She cancelled the doctor’s appointment and took me straight to the Massachusetts Eye and Ear Infirmary to be evaluated.

For whatever reason they didn’t do a hearing test at this time. I wasn’t allowed to use my hearing aid for a while and probably had some sort of ointment to put in my ear, I honestly don’t remember. A few months after the accident I finally had my hearing tested. At this time they discovered that my hearing had gotten worse.

Throughout my entire childhood these were the terms I knew: better, worse, mild, moderate. I was given no sophisticated language to understand my hearing, I couldn’t tell you what my audiogram meant. When I was 21 I did research and gathered all my hearing tests. It was only then that I realized how much my hearing was affected by this accident.

Following the accident my hearing was tested every 6 months but it essentially stayed the same. I was born with mild/moderate hearing in my right ear, just 10 decibels lower than my left. After the accident I had moderate/profound hearing loss. The ranges that hold most sounds only lowered by a few decibels. However the highest sounds, which my right ear could hear better than my left ear at birth, plummeted to 90 decibels. This number, 90, is the “magic” number that indicates deafness. Those high sounds I could no longer hear. To be honest I am talking about 8,000 hertz, which is probably a noise that only dogs can hear. But there has to be something more to it. To this day my right ear becomes excited at the thought of a high sound. It remembers it, cause it surely is not hearing it!

After the accident my right ear was now a good 20-30 decibels lower than my left ear. Did this make a difference to me? No. I don’t remember noticing my hearing changing. I don’t remember having trouble with my right ear. I don’t remember this affecting me at all, sans more frequent trips to the ENT doctor. I assume that my hearing aid was adjusted to accommodate the decrease in hearing. And I went back to listening with my left ear as I had always done.

The day I finally realized what my hearing was and what my hearing became baffled me. I had no clue the changes that took place, I had no clue it was that severe. To me it is not negative but positive. Without this change I would not understand hearing loss the way I do. The difference between my left ear and my right ear have allowed me, in my adult years, to analyze what I hear and don’t hear. With the hearing I was born with I would not have been able to do this analyzing.

I am convinced that this surgery weakened my ear. I’ve had two incidences in recent years, after I was 21 and researched my hearing. Two blows to the head (due to fainting) that has caused even more hearing loss in my right ear. My left ear continues to stay the same, never faltering. My right ear has now passed the 90 decibel mark and is now down to 110 in the 8,000 hertz range. Now I have a 90 decibel loss in more than just one hertz range.

But don’t feel bad for my right ear, it’s special in it’s own right. I have two earrings in my right ear, poor lefty only has one. When I was 19 I felt my right ear needed something special. I often tease that righty is just for show. Today my voice discrepancy is failing in my right ear. When I first found out about the 110 decibel loss I asked my husband to whisper in my right ear. I heard a tickling popping sound. He was saying testing 1, 2, 3. I’ve learned to no longer listen with my right ear. When I was young I focused on my left ear but knew my right could comprehend as well. Now if a sound is solely geared towards my right ear I usually am not able to follow what is being said.

In righty’s standing defense to all of this, as I type, she has been yelling at me, in her high pitched, numbing, tintinitus way. Yes, dear righty, I know you are special, that is why I am writing about you. But could we please stop the tantrum and put the ringing to rest? Her answer is a higher pitch. If only my 110 decibel loss could help me against the sounds coming from my own head.